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by Muriel LarsonAs "Dr. Muriel," an E-Mail counselor for Christian Women Today, I have received many letters from depressed people who are miserable because of a great loss of some kind. They have lost a mate or a lover or a precious child or relative. They can't find their way out of their depression because they can't bring themselves to accept their loss.
"Since my husband left me a year ago, I can't seem to get my life together."
"My only child died in an accident, and since then my life is not worth living."
"My church let me down. I lost my job. I lost my boyfriend. I just want to end it all!"
Grief--why is it so hard for many people to let go to the extent that it often results in almost constant depression and the falling apart of their lives? Let's look at the process of grief.
Denial
According to Drs. Frank Minirth and Paul Meier, "The individual refuses momentarily to believe this is really happening to him. This stage does not last very long." This may be true of most, but if a loss occurs in a traumatic way or if multiple losses strike, a person may remain in a state of denial for some time.
Anger towards God
The next stage of grief is anger. Often this anger is directed at God: "Why did God allow this to happen? My husband was such a good man. We have faithfully served Him-and this is what we get!" And a number of people admit their anger toward God and their turning away from faith in Him. Unfortunately, they have turned away from the very one who can give them the comfort they so desperately need, the only one who can deliver them from their grief and depression.
To those who are right with the Lord, the Bible says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Since I experienced this comfort so often when going through the many trials in my life, I know it is real. So now I can pass along to others that incredible comfort He gave me in every circumstance, a number of which resemble the problems of those I counsel.
For those who are not sure that they have this personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ, this website can help you:
http://www.powertochange.com/makeachange
Anger towards others or ourselves
Then there are those who turn their anger toward others, especially others who may have contributed substantially to their loss. One woman I knew developed a fierce anger toward truck drivers, because one had caused the death of her beloved husband. Others turn their anger against the woman who "took" their husband away from them-or their mates who left them.
And a number of people turn their anger inward, toward themselves, perhaps feeling guilt for some reason or for holding a grudge against God and others. Thus guilt can contribute to the depression of grief.
Ephesians 4:26-27 says, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." If we don't follow this Scripture, we may become bitter, angry, pugnacious persons. Thus we will probably continue to wallow in grief and self-pity.
The remedy is found in Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Genuine grief
Go ahead and have a good cry over your loss. And by all means share your feelings with some sympathetic person. My online-published article, "For Relief, Tell Someone" shows what a relief doing this can give a grieving person. It's listed with its link on my website: www.advicedrmuriel.blogspot.com
In fact, have a good cry whenever your loss comes to mind, for it will relieve you more and more of the depression that goes with grief.
Acceptance
According Dr. Leonard Cammer, with most people a normal grief reaction passes in due course. Acceptance of loss will accelerate their recovery from the depression of grief. Arthur Bryant said, "Rightly conceived, time is the friend of all who are in any way in adversity, for its mazy road winds in and out of the shadows sooner or later into sunshine, and when one is at its darkest point one can be certain that presently it will grow brighter."
Related reading:
Are you at the end of your rope?
Dr. Muriel Larson, author of many books and thousands of published writings and songs, is a professional Christian writer, counselor and speaker, and has taught at writers' conferences across the United States. She serves as an E-Mail counselor with Truthmedia. Her web site, "Advice From God's Word," lists many helpful articles alphabetically by their descriptive titles: http://advicedrmuriel.blogspot.com
