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by by Dawn SundstromWhen I dropped my young daughter off at the birthday party, I knew I was in trouble. My friend Debbie had recently moved to an upscale neighborhood, and I was unprepared for how nice everything looked. I couldn't help but notice the beautiful home and a stream of partygoers with their parents decked out in designer labels.
The disparity between Debbie's life and mine sent me scurrying home with pangs of jealousy.
Back in the 17th century, the poet John Dryden called jealousy "the jaundice of the soul," and this spiritual disease had instantly infected me. Yet when God diagnoses jealousy of the heart, He desires to treat and remove it before it harms His children and spreads to others.
No matter how silently jealousy creeps into the heart, left untreated it infects relationships and leaves behind broken hearts. In the Bible, Cain's jealousy led him to murder his brother; Joseph's ten jealous brothers sold him into slavery; and Jacob's two brides, Rachel and Leah, lived their married lives consumed by jealousy. These jealous sisters in particular provide a textbook explanation of "spiritual jaundice."
It takes two
In Genesis 29, when Jacob arrived at Laban's house looking for a good woman, he found more than he bargained for. Beautiful Rachel caught Jacob's eye, but unfortunately, when he asked to marry her, his father-in-law used the bait-and-switch method and gave him his elder daughter, Leah, instead. Jacob was quite upset until Laban told him he could marry Rachel too.
Two women, one man: You can imagine the disaster ahead. However, it takes a much less complicated situation for jealousy to take root - just two people with a potential point of comparison.
The struggle of desire
Jacob tried to keep his two brides happy, but he loved Rachel more. Seeing this neglect, God opened Leah's womb and blessed her with children.
When Rachel saw her sister having children, she became jealous of Leah. Not only did Rachel want her husband's affection, but she also desperately wanted children. Jealousy grows when something desired turns into a source of struggle.
For Rachel and Leah, that struggle meant dragging their maidservants into the feud. Jacob obligingly sired more children with these servants, as each sister tried to "one up" the other.
The grass is always greener
Jealousy distorts your perspective, locking all your attention on another person's blessing instead of your own. Leah had been given seven children (plus two from her maidservant) - all answers to prayer and given to her as blessings from God. Still, even with her brood of children around her, Leah wasn't content. Leah's jealousy drove her on to steal her husband's affection away from her sister, that affection being the only comfort Rachel had in her barrenness.
Leah's sister wasn't any better in taming her jealousy. Though she had Jacob's love, that wasn't enough. "Give me children, or else I die," Rachel declared to Jacob in Genesis 30:1.
As is usually the case in jealousy, everyone loses. These two sisters' jealous responses robbed them of God's blessings.
Division and death
Eventually Rachel did give birth to a son, but she still wasn't satisfied. She named him Joseph (which means "He will add") in hopes that the Lord would give her yet another son. She later had another son, but giving birth to him immediately cost Rachel her life.
Jealousy in full bloom robs us of the rich relationship we long for with each other and with God. It exchanges the joy of blessings with painful suffering. "The jealous are troublesome to others," wrote American patriot William Penn, "but a torment to themselves." If, in its quietness, jealousy seems benign, we shouldn't be fooled. Jealousy is crueler than anger or fury, according to Proverbs 27:4.
The local news proves it. Two miles from my house, in the strip mall where my daughter has taken ballet, there's a country-western bar called the Towne Pump. I hadn't paid much attention to it until earlier this year. One of the saloon's regular customers walked in and found his estranged wife with her new boyfriend. He pulled a gun and shot them both in the head. Jealousy, in its most serious form, is deadly.
The cure
To counter jealousy's destructiveness, seek prompt spiritual attention. First, agree with God's diagnosis that jealousy is a sin, confess it to Him, and ask Him to remove it. Then ask God for a transfusion of His Spirit and His mindset - to be filled anew with the Holy Spirit.
Next, pursue healthy spiritual living. When you notice that God has given someone else a blessing you would like, choose a different response than to want it for yourself. God asks us to rejoice with those who are rejoicing.
Go one step further, and reject comparison. God does not compare us to each other, nor should we. And finally, build gratefulness into your outlook on life. Thank God for the things which He has given to you.
Fortunately, after visiting Debbie's home that afternoon, I had some time to pray and apply these lessons before I talked with my friend again. I sat down at home, read my Bible and prayed. "Lord, help me. Forgive me for my feelings of jealousy toward Debbie. Help me rejoice with her on her new home."
God answered my prayer.
"You have a really beautiful house," I told Debbie when I returned to pick up Heidi from the birthday party. "You and your husband really worked hard to get this home, I'm happy for you. Congratulations, and I hope you and your family make many wonderful memories here."
Debbie smiled and invited me to stay for some lemonade on the patio. While our daughters played, we chatted and laughed. With my jealousy out of the way, lemons never tasted sweeter.
Reprinted with permission from the July/August 2002 edition of Worldwide Challenge, the award-winning magazine of Campus Crusade for Christ, International.
