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by W. SmithThe hum in the office grew as people filtered in that morning. Soft chuckles over some incident the night before, muffled conversations and ringing phones filled the air. Suddenly, an urgent tone broke in. The first reports of a possible tragedy began circulating, and while some employees wrapped up phone calls, one or two turned on a radio, and others shared what they'd learned. As we got the first details of an airline crash - and then of another - we were gripped by a sense of unreality.
Who can forget the morning of September 11th? It was a day that shattered a façade of predictability and security, and altered the way many thought. It was a day of profound loss for individuals, a nation and the world.
My personal 9/11
After the first reports of planes hitting the Twin Towers, I received a personal phone call. While not as unexpected, it too shook my inner world in ways I’d never dreamed a few years before. I heard, “Your divorce is final. We received the final paperwork this morning. You‘ll be receiving it soon.”
Stepping out of the office to deal with the flood of my emotions, I entered a break room where a group of employees was gathering, riveted to the corner TV. Suddenly, I heard gasps. As I turned, we saw live footage of the second tower collapsing.
The sense of loss that morning was overwhelming, both the shared loss and my personal loss.
When towers crumble and dreams give way, where can we turn? Our plans and sense of stability are shattered. The landmarks of our lives are in upheaval, and only what is eternal can help to anchor our souls.
A secure place to rest
As I began to process my own September 11th, I was drawn back once again to my unchanging God, the One who loves me as no other, who counts each hair on my head. It is only in Him that I could find lasting security, for any other foundation was subject to change.
I’d often defined myself largely by the marriage relationship. I’m learning that even more importantly, I am a precious and loved child of the Almighty God. The identity we find in the labels of wife, mother, teacher, nurse, or friend may be altered by circumstance or choice. It is only as my heart finds its identity in relationship with my loving God that it finds a secure place to rest. Nothing, He says, can separate me from His love! Nothing can change His heart towards me. He calls me His own. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me.
Clearing the rubble and rebuilding
The losses of September 11th are real, and life will never return to “what was.” For me, though memories linger, my marriage is gone. God was not surprised by the death of my marriage. He understands the pain of rejection and betrayal, for He too has experienced rejection. He is no stranger to grief, and will not run away from my tears or my fears.
God is clearing away the destruction and beginning to fashion something new, something different, out of my life. The loneliness is giving way to a number of rich friendships. I’m grateful for the people God's placed around me to remind me of His love and grace.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I know God's not given up on me. “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'” (Jeremiah 29:11).
My heavenly Father's faithfulness in the past, in my own life and the lives of others, encourages me to trust Him for that future.
He is my strong tower.
What about you?
If you're struggling to find your way through a painful time in your life, let me encourage you to turn your heart toward the Comforter whom Jesus promised, the Holy Spirit. The minute you accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, the Holy Spirit took up residence in your life. He longs to fill you and to empower you. He can give you the hope and strength you need, minute by minute. I encourage you to trust Him with whatever difficulty you face, for He is faithful. He will walk with you through the darkest valley.
Below is a suggested prayer. As you pray, remember that God cares not so much about your words as the intent of your heart.
Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
If you prayed this prayer, we would love to hear about it! We will e-mail you some information to help you grow, and respond personally to your questions.
~ W. Smith enjoys sharing God's goodness and faithfulness with ladies in the online chat ministry at Christian Women Today. Click to e-mail her.
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