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by Shaila WatsaI grew up in a small, quiet, farming community outside the city of Windsor in Ontario, Canada. I am the oldest of three children in a multicultural family. My mother is from England and my father is from India.
My father wasn't around very much while I was growing up. His work took him away from home a lot. Though it didn't seem too bad at the time, I would later recognize the toll that it had taken on my mom, my brother, my sister and me. I think I learned how to keep busy by watching my father.
My life in high school was all running–from a student council meeting, to a tournament or game, to studying for tests. I didn't have time for the usual high school parties. While all my friends were starting to experience the wilder side of life, I was immersed in school and in extracurricular activities. I was a student council vice-president and athletic co-chairman, and I graduated with a scholarship to attend Huron College at the University of Western Ontario. Volleyball was my real passion. I played on two club teams during high school and hoped to play during university.
I was scared when I left home for university, but I was very excited to leave the small town atmosphere. The first week at school–trying to impress all my new friends–I became involved with the "wild" side of campus life. I had a new freedom to explore, and I quickly discovered that it was a lot less intimidating to make friends if you became part of "the crowd." I wanted to try out for the varsity volleyball team, but all my late nights had left me in less than top form.
As each tryout passed, I knew I was letting myself down. I didn't make the team, but I justified this by telling myself that I needed to adjust to the university workload and a new environment. I made lots of friends that year. I involved myself in my residence and on the Student Council.
By the end of my first year, I had been elected to a leadership role for the coming year, overseeing the orientation of new students to Huron College. As I went into the summer, I knew where I was going. I was sure that I was going to hold the best initiation the school had ever seen and that I was going to get into shape for volleyball tryouts in the fall.
The first weekend of summer–at a party–a friend of mine scooped me up in his arms. Unfortunately, he dropped me and landed on top of me. Nine screws and four plates later, my broken ankle was secure, but all hope of trying out for volleyball was gone. I remained on crutches the following summer and, later that year, needed another surgery on my ankle.
Back at school, I took it all in stride. I continued to have fun with my friends and threw myself into activities. Our orientation week for Huron College was fantastic and I decided to apply for the same position the following year–this time for the whole university. I won that position and stayed that summer to prepare for the orientation of 5000 students and the training of 700 student volunteers. I was so busy socially that I thought I was on top of the world. I knew I had reached the pinnacle of my university career when–at the end of orientation week–5000 students sang to me. It was an enormous thrill, but I realized then that I didn't have it all.
If I were as successful as the world thought, and as people expected me to be, why was I still looking for something more? I didn't want to admit to my friends that I didn't have the perfect life they thought I did. I certainly didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't know where to turn.
The next week, I bumped into an acquaintance from my residence. I respected her strong stands on issues and I felt I could relate to her. She invited me to attend her Bible Study and I accepted.
I didn't want to give up the security of the lifestyle I had come to know. I was accepted within my peer groups as the go-getter, crazy girl and I liked having that image. Still, I knew something was missing from that life. As I learned more about the Bible and about Jesus, I began to feel pulled between two worlds. I finally had to admit that I didn't have all the answers. I needed help. With the help of the girls at Bible Study, I surrendered my life to God. I prayed a prayer something like this:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
It was an enormous relief–my heart was suddenly at peace.
I know now that the only love and acceptance that is important to me is that of Jesus. He knows me better than anyone else and accepts me; He is helping to change me to become a better person. The affirmations of others are no longer the driving force in my life. I know that my only true security comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus.
What about you? Are you looking for love and acceptance? Do your accomplishments feel like hollow victories?
God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to feel better about ourselves, more excited about our future, more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.
If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
~ Following her graduation from university and one year in marketing, Shaila Watsa joined the staff of Women in Leadership, an interdenominational women's outreach that seeks to address the spiritual needs of business and professional women. Shaila now works with young professionals in downtown Vancouver, Canada. She is a volleyball coach and player, a college basketball junkie and she loves to spend time with friends.
