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by Carole MayhallIt has happened at least three times in the last two weeks. And in one case, I was the culprit.
Scene one: I answered the doorbell's insistent ring to discover a well-dressed gentleman standing there with a package intended for my next-door neighbour, who is in the repair business. "I can't raise George," he said, "and I need this repaired before I leave for Denver later this afternoon."
Trying to be helpful, I said, "Well, sometimes he can't hear the doorbell over the noise of his machines."
"Then would you mind if I use your phone to see if he's there?" he questioned.
In the brief time of walking to the phone in the kitchen and returning to the front door, I learned that he was to meet the president of a local bank for lunch, they were eating at an exclusive club in town, and he was a very busy man whose time was too important to waste getting something repaired. I blinked as her vanished, and thought to myself, Now why did he tell me all of that?
Scene two: I met a Christian speaker at the Denver airport, and we chatted for five minutes. In this time I was told the number of people to whom she spoke (150), how many received Christ, and how God had blessed in every way.
Scene three: As a friend and I were leaving a restaurant, the hostess invited us to put our business cards into a bowl for a drawing for a free lunch. "I don't have any business cards," I replied. The hostess said that she was going to have some made for her second job, sales manager of a local company.
I said, "Well, I guess I could have some made that say, ‘writer' or something." This, of course, forced the hostess to ask what I wrote. I guess that made me feel more like a somebody. But why did I say anything? It was totally unnecessary.
Name-dropping. Place-dropping. Event-dropping. Even successful-ministry-dropping. Oh, we wouldn't admit it, especially to ourselves. We'd say it was sharing answers to prayer or giving cause for rejoicing, and it may be. Only God can judge our motives. Yet the Scripture tells us, "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips" (Proverbs 27:2).
Good, sweet water and salty, poisoned water cannot come from the same well. But many of us try the impossible when it comes to words. The Apostle James says clearly, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" (James 3:9-11).
One way we continually contaminate the well of speech is by bragging or boasting. Most of us are adept at both in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I often do one or the other without conscious thought. One morning Jack and I attended a prayer breakfast for our city. I planned to leave fifteen minutes before it concluded to get to a speaking engagement. I decided to slip to the back of the large room before the speaker started and listen from there so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I left. I explained this to our table hostess by saying, "I'm going to the back because I have to leave early for a speaking engagement."
True. But why didn't I merely say, "Please excuse me. I have to leave a bit early for an appointment"?
Obviously we mustn't become overly concerned about this. Many times we want to, and should, share things with friends. And simply because we are human, we will tell things from our point of view. But the difference between sharing information and boasting is in who gets the glory.
Two people shared similar ministry experiences. One said, "God really used me. I led three people to Christ, and many others commented on how my message helped them." The other said, "As a result of your prayers, God worked in a wonderful way. Two people received Christ, and many expressed that they were touched by His hand."
In the first instance, our attention is focused on the speaker. In the second, it is focused on God. "It is not good to eat too much honey, nor is it glory to search out one's own glory" (Proverbs 25:27, NASB). You see, when we seek out our own glory, we are usurping the glory of God.
Name-, place- and event-dropping are boasting, and boasting is often on lists of characteristics of godless people in the Bible. Boasting is straight from a world that is going to pass away (see I John 2:16-17).
God's definition of boasting and my definition are a universe apart. I think of someone as bragging when he says or means, "Man, I'm really a talented guy." According to God's Word, it is bragging when we say, "I'm going to Denver next week." Hard to believe, isn't it? But the book of James includes a helpful explanation:
Now listen you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow . . . Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. (James 4:13-16)
The word translated brag in verse 16 literally means a "wandering quack." A braggart boasts about things that he can't control and promises more than he can deliver.
Now what is this driving at, and why is it boasting? When I say I'm going to Denver next week, I'm implying that I'm in total control of what I do or don't do. And that isn't true. A cold breath from God can bring that city to a standstill under three feet of snow. Or, I may have to take care of my sick husband.
I do not have control over my life. My times and timing are in God's hand (see Psalm 31:15).
Of course you and I aren't going to go around tacking on the phrases if God allows or if God wills to every sentence of intent. But it that the attitude of our heart? Do we say, "I'm going to go to the conference this weekend" while in our heart we hold those plans up to the will and control of the Father? Somehow I doubt that most of us even think about that. Certainly, we have been unaware that we have been boasting. Perhaps we need to examine our heart–to pray, "Search me, O God, and know my heart" (Psalm 139:23) concerning boasting–not if we do, but to what degree. Then we must ask God for His healing light to be beamed on it, exposing it and cleansing it from our life and speech.
When we boast and brag about ourselves, our accomplishments, our importance, or our status, we are not only committing a sin of commission, but two of omission. Bragging draws attention to the "I" of pr-I-de, which is a sin of commission. But we are also failing to give God the glory and failing to edify, or build up other believers.
In studying Ephesians 4, I was struck by the fact that we are to build up or edify, not ourselves, but our fellow Christians. My inevitable question as the Lord spoke gently to my heart was, "Yes, Lord, I wasn't to do that. But please tell me how." As He often does, God quietly said, "I've already told you." As I restudied the chapter, I discovered God's instructions. He says the key to edifying others lies in who I am and in how I speak. So I wrote,
I am to be
completely humble and gentle,
patient,
forbearing,
in unity with one another,
peaceful,
sharing whatever gift I have with others,
mature, and hardworking
I am to speak
the truth in love (never lie),
without sinning in anger,
quickly, to work through conflict,
wholesome words,
That which is profitable,
with no bitterness, rage, anger, slander, or
malice, kindly,
compassionately (with understanding),
and with forgiveness.
As I stared at what I'd written, I thought, This is a lifetime project! It became very clear that boasting or bragging cannot coexist with being the kind of person who will edify others. I desperately need God's help in this, first, in making me sensitive to areas of boasting, and then, in helping me change those areas. But God has promised His help.
A little boy was trying to move a huge rock. He pulled and pushed, and tried to move it with leverage from a board. All to no avail.
His dad asked him, "Son, have you used all your resources?"
The son answered, "Yes, Dad. I've tried everything and I can't make it move."
His father replied, "No, you haven't. You haven't asked me to help you yet."
The Holy Spirit enables! He is our resource. He alone enables the light to shine through us–to help us in what we are and what we say so that we can edify other believers. He alone can make the poisoned well of our speech pure–free of boasting.
Carole and her husband, Jack, live in Colorado Springs, Colorado in the United States and are currently ministering in the Marriage and Family Ministries of the Navigators, having served in various capacities in this organization since 1956. Carole is a frequent speaker at churches and for conferences, and has authored numerous articles and ten books. Most of all, Carole enjoys her role as wife, mother, and grandmother and prefers to be introduced this way.
For copies of the book, call 800-366-7788 or order online at http://www.navpress.com
Excerpted from WORDS THAT HURT, WORDS THAT HEAL, © 1986 by Carole Mayhall. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved.
