Email 
Bookmark 
Print In Search of...
by Tanya WrightSteeped in a performance ethic from a very young age, life seemed to me to be one competitive event after another. By the time I reached university, I appeared competent and quick-witted on the outside but inside, I felt overwhelmed by confusion and loneliness. I felt trapped in a meaningless maze of activity and absolutely hopeless to bring about any kind of genuine change. Not even the few people that I considered close to me had any awareness of the emotional turmoil that I felt. Eventually, I became immersed in a deep depression which made even the simplest of tasks seem beyond my ability to handle.
After dropping out of school, I tried a series of temporary pain-killers, including alcohol, destructive relationships, and periods of prolonged isolation. I felt myself sliding further and further away from any sense of purpose or direction. After several years of fruitless searching, I stumbled upon a live, late-night television program called, "Night Light". Over the ensuing months, I found myself rivetted to this program as it featured real people talking openly about their personal struggles to find meaning in their lives. In spite of the uniqueness of their individual stories, they all pointed emphatically to the life-changing impact of meeting Jesus one on one and finally believing that He is who He says He is.
For the first time in my life, the reality of the Christian message penetrated my heart. Healthy tears began to flow as I invited Jesus to come into my life. Transformations materialized in the living out of my daily life - I began to experience a new capacity for relating to, and caring for others. The sense of hopelessness and self-absorption which had gripped me so relentlessly began to ebb - in their place, a new sense of meaning and connectedness.
Ten years have passed since that pivotal period in my life. God has created a beautiful plan for my life, far surpassing any fantasies of my earlier days. I work alongside individuals who have been hospitalized with severe mental illness. I know how fragile the link to hope and meaning can be – knowing Jesus has made all the difference in my life.
I continue to grow in the context of relationships. The one-time hermit is now happily married. The past ten years have not been smooth sailing, but they have been "life more abundantly," just as He promises each and every person who comes to Him.
What about you? Are you searching for purpose and direction like I did? Do you crave meaning and hope?
God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to feel better about ourselves, more excited about our future, more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.
If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
