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by Jelena VujovicI was born in Belgrade, the capitol of Yugoslavia and Serbia, in an average Serbian family. As I can recall it, I had a very happy childhood.
My parents (my mom and grandma, as my dad died when I was a baby) tried to protect me from the evil around me. I thought of myself as a good person compared to others. I was successful in everything I was doing–music school, regular school, all kinds of contests. When you mix all that, you get almost the perfect person outside.
Inside I was completely different, and my parents knew that best. I was difficult at home, always doing things my way. I tried to gain love from other people, but I didn't much appreciate the love I had at home. I took it for granted.
The crisis in my life appeared, as you can guess, when the war started. Shortly before that, I had enrolled at the Language University in the department of English. I thought I couldn't be more successful and happier than I was then. I had a boyfriend I loved, I was going out with my friends and on the whole led a great life. The war broke out, but although I felt sorry for that, deep inside nothing changed. It was hundred of miles away from my home and I had my safe world that I thought nothing could touch.
But then, unexpectedly (at least for me), draft was instituted. Among many people called, my boyfriend had to go, too. In two days, my whole life changed.
For the first time in my life, I was faced with the fact that somebody can disappear without any logic to me–as if his life was nothing. It was very confusing. Months passed and nothing changed. He got back and our relationship broke off. One of my friends got killed in Croatia and the situation couldn't have been more desperate than that.
What I needed was change. All my previous success meant nothing to me anymore; the admiration of my friends meant nothing. Inside I was empty.
Then I was invited to join a weekly meeting with some other students, including some Americans. I started attending because I thought that it was a change from my previous life–new people I could speak English to, which was my primary motive for going there. I felt accepted, loved and cared for in their company and I thought to use it while they were there, even though I didn't agree with their beliefs.
Growing up, I believed that God existed in some spiritual form, but I didn't know what that was. I believed in reincarnation and talk about Jesus didn't interest me much–I thought about Him maybe once or twice. A couple of times I asked myself one question: "Why do I have to die"?
I was afraid of death. Those were my fears inside, although outside to my friends I was kind of a role model.
Although these new friends knew I disagreed with their beliefs, they didn't oppose me or quarrel with me. They just accepted me and for me that was strange. They talked about their personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They talked about how he had changed their lives after they trusted Him as the payment for their sins.
Just then, economic sanctions were put on Serbia and many in the group had to leave. One member stayed behind and I decided to continue attending meetings until he left, to finish that chapter of my life.
Then a strange thing happened. I started asking him dozens of questions, about Jesus, God and Christianity in general. I soon realized that the change I wanted could come about in my life only by Jesus. I'd seen success before but it didn't work. None of my friends satisfied me completely. I knew once I surrendered my life to Jesus nothing would stay the same.
That July, I trusted Christ to come into my life to forgive my sins and change me from the inside. I prayed something like this:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
Intellectually I understood that I became a child of God at that moment, but it was only when I noticed positive changes in my life that I started loving God for His sacrifice. I started realizing how much Jesus suffered for me and I began appreciating that.
I started loving people more, especially my mom and grandma. I had specific answers to specific prayers which convinced me that Jesus is really alive and that He is powerful in me. It was as if the light went on and the Bible made sense to me.
Since then, I've gone through a lot. There have been many falls, failures and disappointments in these past six years, but there has been much more joy and real happiness. I made new friends and found in Christ the perfect friend who will never leave me.
What about you? Is success no longer enough? Have your relationships left you unfulfilled? It doesn't have to be that way.
If you are looking for a deeply satisfying relationship with God, I encourage you to pray by faith and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
