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by Stephanie BixlerMy life has taken such a turn that I hardly remember the old Stephanie.
I was raised in what is called a "false religion" or a "cult." I didn't know better so I hung to their beliefs. During my 20's, though, I started falling away from their teachings and started doing things my own way.
I married a man who was abusive to me. At the age of 20, I had an ectopic pregnancy, and after that, I wasn't able to conceive. I was devastated. Meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out my relationship with God. I was a miserable person to be around (even my mom said so, and she had blind love for me).
After three years in Germany, we moved in 1992 to central California. We tried infertility treatments, but I soon realized I that what I needed most of all was to make a change in my life. I started counseling and that gave me the strength to leave my husband.
After I got divorced, through the love of some co-workers, I came to know Christ. For the first time in my adult life, I felt I had a purpose.
In February 1998, I married Mike, one of the co-workers who had helped lead me to the Lord. In September he baptized me. It was amazing to have Mike be part of my proclaiming my commitment to the Lord!
Although I was now a Christian, I was still struggling with my infertility. Mike knew my infertility story and said it was up to me how we would approach the treatments. I felt the first thing I needed to do was get a grip on my emotions.
I purchased a book from the local Christian bookstore about infertility. The day I got it, I sat down and read it cover to cover. I dog-eared some pages, highlighted some passages and read others out of the Bible.
That night I got down on my knees and gave my infertility to God. I was finally able to trust solely in Him and rely on His plan for me. The turning point was when I came to understand that my infertility was not a punishment from God. I had figured that since I did some bad things during my 19th and 20th year, that I was being punished for them.
But a line in the book I was reading jumped out at me: "God has, at times, closed an individual's womb for correction, instruction or edification." WHAM! That was it--I was finally able to see that God did have a plan for me and for whatever reason right then it didn't include a child.
I can now look back and see all the things God has allowed me to do because I didn't have a child. I probably would have had a harder time leaving my first husband if a child were involved. I would have probably never have become a Christian and most definitely would have never met and married Mike. He alone was worth waiting for! I would have never returned and graduated from college like I did this past December, and I would have never been led to the ministry Hannah's Prayer.
If you are looking for a deeply satisfying relationship with God, I encourage you to pray by faith and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
