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by Phil Callaway
“Hollywood Stars Falling Out of Love.” The bold headline jumps out at me from a tabloid known worldwide for its careful attention to truth, accuracy, integrity and particularly freedom of speech. Below is a celebrity couple in happier days. The caption reads: “...We just don’t love each other anymore.” At the top of the page is perhaps the only truth gracing this ignominious publication--the date: August 28.
Ah, now I remember why I am standing in line surrounded by closeups of Roseanne Barr. I am here to purchase an anniversary card. Yes, as of today, Ramona and I have been married 2,920 days. This afternoon we will celebrate with a round of golf and then dinner alone. I can’t wait!
*
“You spent how much on what?” Two days have passed. I am standing in the living room, hands on my hips, trying my best to look imposing.
“Forty-nine dollars on clothes.”
“Forty-nine dollars! Why didn’t you tell me?” I sound angry. Angrier than I am.
“I did, but you were too busy reading.” She is right. I remember now.
“Uh....well. I just think that’s a lot to spend on clothes right now.
“Pardon me?” Her voice is growing louder. Soon the neighbors will gather. “You buy things like stereos and cars and I can’t even buy clothes?”
“I didn’t say that. I just think we need to be a little more careful right now. We just had holidays and...”
As things heat up I realize she is right. But there’s no way I’m admitting that today.
It is time for a walk. Down the street I smile and wave at a neighbor, but I am severely miffed. “Sometimes arguing with your wife is like trying to blow out a lightbulb,” I muse. “Especially when you’re wrong.”
“How are you doing, Phil?”
“Fine, thank you. Just fine,” I am smiling. And lying.
What I’d really like to say is this: “Okay. So I haven’t been easy to live with lately. But I’m not that bad. I don’t drink away our money, or beat her. Maybe I feel this way because I don’t love her anymore. Look, it’s happening to others. Maybe our old candle has undergone burnout too. Oh, sure. I’ll stay with her. But I won’t speak to her for a week. Maybe two. You see, I don’t think I’m in love anymore.”
And so, that night, for the first time in many years of married life, I let the sun go down on our wrath.
*
Early the next morning she is sleeping when I leave for work.
Smooth sailing. My vow of silence is intact.
But in the office there is trouble of another kind. How does one write about family when he is so out of touch with his own?
Picking up my Bible, I begin reading. The book is Colossians and the text seems larger and clearer than any tabloid headline: “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (3:12-14).
Put on love. Not feel love, but choose to do it.
“Lord,” I pray. “I’ll need Your help. I’m tired of loving on my own.” Putting down my Bible I pick up the phone.
That evening things are different. We talk long into the night. We speak of love. Not an emotion. Not something we fall into. Or out of. But something we decide to do, whether we feel like it or not.
The next morning I am tired, but there is a smile on my face. An honest smile. It is a good start for a husband with such a long way to go.
~ Phil Callaway is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life. He is the best-selling author of fifteen books including Laughing Matters, Who Put My Life On Fast Forward?, I Used to Have Answers…Now I Have Kids, Making Life Rich Without Any Money, and Honey, I Dunked the Kids. Phil's writings have been translated into languages like Polish, Chinese, Spanish, German, Dutch, Indonesian, and English (one of which he speaks fluently!) (Read an article about him.)
*Article used by permission
Related Reading
To read more about life balance, check out Who Put My Life on Fast Forward?
Visit Phil Callaway's website
Order a Phil Callaway book online
Check out Phil's book, Golfing With the Master where Phil demonstrates how you can enjoy the great game of golf while enriching your life. A great Father's Day gift idea!
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