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by by Hilary Hamblin
I’ll never forget the day my husband proposed. It was a chilly Saturday in early December and he was moving home from school for Christmas holidays. I had no idea a diamond ring was hidden in his pocket. We were both elated and couldn’t wait to share the news with all our friends and family.
Less than six months later we stood at the altar and pledged our love to each other. Like so many couples before us, we made a commitment and planned to live it out. At that same moment, we knew our lives had changed forever. After all, we had just moved from our parents’ homes into a home of our own, and from college life to married life. But not all of the changes were easy to accept.
As a newly married woman, I didn’t know where to turn. Many of my friends weren’t married and so they couldn’t appreciate the changes I was experiencing. My friends who were married were too busy dealing with their own changes to counsel me in mine. And as loving as my new husband was, he couldn’t understand why I was so distraught over one bad meal when I’d cooked many great ones. My frustration over a house that didn’t seem as clean as my mother’s didn’t make much sense to him either.
It was early in our marriage that my mother invited to me the Women’s Missionary Union monthly meeting. Here I found fellowship with a group of women whom I never would have expected to find common ground with. After all, many of the women were grandmothers well on their way to the golden years of their marriage. But as I read God’s word I found this comfort to be not only natural, but Biblical. Titus 2:4,5a instructs the “older women” to “train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands”.
Many of the women this passage instructs, unknowingly influence the lives of younger women. But how can an older woman provide guidance to a younger woman purposefully?
- Invite the young women in your church to a women’s Bible study or gathering. Many of them, especially the ones who attend the church where they grew up, feel like these groups are more for their mothers than for them. You can ensure she comes and feels comfortable by offering to pick her up. Many times, arriving alone to a new group, even if you know the people there, can be a bit intimidating.
- Don’t be afraid to ask young women to contribute to the gathering. I was flattered the first time a lady in the women’s group asked me to bring something for the meal after the program. Many young wives and mothers today work full-time outside of the home and may not be able to bring a dish but could bring a drink, chips or cookies. Anyone who is asked to bring something feels more involved and like a more valued part of the group.
- Invite young women to home shopping parties you host. While many young women may not be able to buy very much in contribution to your party, they can learn a lot about hospitality. Many women are interested in showing off their homes and can learn a lot about being a gracious hostess from you. If you’ve become particularly close to a young woman ask her to help you with the preparations for the party.
- Share memories from the early years of your marriage. The WMU in our church is composed of many grandmothers. I love listening to the tales about their past adventures as new wives. One lady laughed as she talked about stretching her kitchen budget during the first summer she was married. She bought a hen with the last of her budget and used it to cook for a week. By the third meal, her husband started asking questions.
Another veteran wife confessed that her mother brought them bread every week from the discount bakery. Only now does she really admit that her mother must have gone out of her way to ensure her daughter and new son-in-law had bread to eat. While my budget woes and cooking faux pas are still a little too fresh to laugh about, I feel a little less guilty about the chicken drumsticks and pork chops my mother has occasionally donated to our freezer.
- Stay in touch. While a young woman may work and have little time for get-togethers, you can usually contact her through e-mail – a non-invasive way to let her know you’re thinking about her and would love to see her the next time your women’s group meets.
- Don’t limit your outreach or mentoring to married women. Many women who are out of high school don’t feel in touch with the youth anymore and if they’ve chosen not to attend college, they don’t feel connected to that group either. It’s often easier for unmarried women to find a reason not to attend church during this stage in their lives.
Single women often experience the same pains of being “on their own” for the first time that married women experience. By keeping in touch you can let them know that you recognize their ability to contribute to God’s kingdom. And perhaps your encouragement could be just what she needs. Don’t allow yourself to be tempted to feel sorry for her or discount her worth just because she’s single. As a single Christian woman, my sister gives more in time and effort to the church than almost anyone. Her life as a Godly woman is a testimony to the teens in her church. Remember, God has a purpose for everyone whether they have a husband or not.
As you go about your work as a wife and mother, don’t forget what it was like during the early years – both the struggles and the joys. And as you see the young women in your church and community, take an extra step to speak to them. Your relationship could be the reminder a young woman needs to stay in touch with God while her life changes. And perhaps her stories will rekindle some of your old memories and remind you to keep your marriage new and fresh.
~ Hilary Hamblin is a freelance writer from Baldwyn, Mississippi where she lives with her husband and works as Executive Director of the Baldwyn Area Chamber of Commerce/Main Street Association.
