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by Jim Tulloch
VIDEO: Irene tells the story of her journey from a life of pain to one of wholeness. Click here to watch the video. (Used with permission).
Irene: I grew up in a small town. We were quite poor. My father was a heavy drinker and my mother suffered from schizophrenia. When I was five I was often shipped off to my aunt’s house because my mother couldn’t take care of me.
I never felt I was good enough or smart enough. I never measured up to anything. I was so insecure.
But I had to grow up very quickly. By the time I was ten I had to take care of my mother and everyone else in the family.
At 21, I married my first boyfriend. Lived next door to my parents. Built a house. Got divorced when I was 28. Moved to Edmonton. Wanted to get away from my family. Wanted to get away from my mom.
I got a job working in insurance and devoted my energy and time to my career. I became very successful at it. (I was one of the top sales reps in Canada 15 years in a row). I now had a great career and a beautiful home. I had everything on the exterior, but inside I was dying – and very lonely. I remarried but found out shortly after that my husband was a cocaine addict.
He ended up losing everything and I walked away before I lost everything too.
I felt lost and depressed, but I was very good at wearing masks. I could put on a façade. People didn’t see the truth. I searched for something to fill the emptiness in my life. I tried all sorts of avenues: New Age spirituality, hypnotherapy, Transcendental Meditation – I had a mantra – but none of these filled that void.
It was around that time I met Wayne.
Wayne: I grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional family. Sexual abuse, mental abuse, and physical abuse were pretty common. My best friend was my sister. At the age of 12 I was walking along the road with her and a drunk driver killed her. At that moment I lost my best friend and the only person I could really confide in about all the secrets in my life. Loneliness really set in. when I was a youth I chose to leave home to get away from the abuse and tried to get a better life for myself. At the age of 18, I headed to the west coast and got a job in the logging industry.
One day when I came home from work at the sawmill I was exhausted and pretty lonely. I turned on the radio and I laid down in bed. A Christian broadcast was on.
The speaker asked some very probing questions and said, “If you answered ‘no’ to any of these questions then you have serious problems in your life.” I had answered no to every question. “But I want you to know that Jesus has the answer,” he continued. As he presented the gospel message, I got out of bed and onto my knees and I asked Christ to come into my life and forgive me of the sinful life I was leading.
Just a year and a half later I was off to Bible school. By the time I was 22, I was married and helping to pastor a small rural church. But I didn’t want to be there. When the senior pastor died, I was asked to take over until a replacement was found. Three years later they finally found someone so I left.
I got into the medical field, running an ambulance service. Unfortunately my marriage ended. I started living life for myself and took my eyes off God. I met another woman and lived with her for eight years. But that relationship came to an end when I came down with MS (multiple sclerosis) and that was when she walked out the door.
I was experiencing a fairly decent spell of health when I met Irene. We really hit it off. I was very needy; so was she. I told her my whole life story the first day I met her. I had never done that with anyone, because I was so ashamed of everything that had happened in my life. Then she told me her story.
Irene: Within two weeks of our meeting we were living together. I thought Wayne and I would be happy, but things didn’t work out. I loved Wayne very much but I couldn’t let go of the guilt and shame I felt from my past. I was very depressed.
Then during a lengthy car ride together an amazing thing happened that would change all that.
Three years earlier I had visited a church and they had given me a CD and a Bible. While travelling in our car, Wayne and I played the CD and the words to one of the songs said, “Leave you burdens at the door. You don’t have to carry them anymore.” We started to weep. We realized the void in our lives could only be filled by God. I took out the Bible and we read it together during our seven hour trip. I invited Jesus to come into my life and Wayne rededicated his life to the Lord.
After returning home, Wayne and I separated. I went to a retreat center. There I spent three days working through my unforgiveness, shame, guilt, fear, anger – all of that kind of stuff – with a godly couple. At the end I believe God gave me a mental image of myself standing in a river, the water gushing at me. I looked downstream and saw all my resentment and shame, my guilt and feelings of inadequacy flowing down the river. Jesus came and showered me with cleansing water and dressed me with a robe and slippers and a gold crown. And he left me with a promise that he whom the Son has set free is free indeed. I became a free woman. My life totally changed.
Wayne: Shortly after that Irene flew to Newfoundland to be with her ailing mother. I called her and asked her to marry me. She said, “Yes” and 10 days later we married.
Irene: In our marriage, knowing Jesus has brought us together. We now pray and talk openly with each other and share a deep intimacy and love for the Lord. We try to place Him at the center of all we do.
Wayne: The greatest thing about knowing Christ is total forgiveness, me not having to work for anything, but to sit back and say thank you – to know in my heart that I can be forgiven takes a load off like you’d never believe.
Irene: Jesus takes away the pain. He heals the damaged emotions. I don’t have to be a product of my past. My identity is based in Him and He works all things for good. Jesus has set us free.
What about you? Are you still dealing with pain from the past? Is it holding you back? It doesn't have to. Jesus came to set you free and His gift is available to you today. Just as He did with Wayne and Irene, God can fill the void in your life.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
We would love to hear from you! If this article has been of any help to you, we encourage you to let us know.
© 2004 Knowing Jesus Personally, Canada. Used with permission.
To e-mail Wayne and Irene Barnes, click here. To visit Irene's real-estate website, click here.
