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Print Tongue in Check: Avoiding Gossip in the Workplace
by Rhonda WilsonA co-worker recently crept into my office. Judging by the look on her face, and the way she quickly and quietly closed my door, I knew she was about to gossip.She proceeded to tell me very unsavory details about someone I admired and respected. She was not sure if it was true, but she assured me that she received the information from a very reliable source, so how could it be wrong?
I must confess I had enjoyed the “juiciness” of the scoop she was giving me, right up until the point when she started sharing the information that was just so damaging to the image I had of this well-respected person. I suppose I should have changed the subject when it turned sour, but instead, I let her continue, my eyes growing as big as saucers as I took in each morsel of gossip.
While her talk had enticed me to listen to the whole story, regretfully, I am now faced with some very negative images of one of my mentors engaged in unseemly conduct, an affair no less.
Most gossip would appear to be harmless, and doesn’t carry the same repercussions as the above scenario. Our culture tends to treat gossip lightly. While most people think it is a bad habit, gossip is a generally accepted pastime that people share in when they congregate around the lunch table, or the water cooler. We may innocently “dish,” “get the goods,” or hear the “dirt,” on someone, but God doesn’t take the whole matter so lightly. He says that our tongues are set on fire by hell (James 3:6).
God is not pleased when we gossip in the workplace, and neither is your employer. According to Human Resources Specialist, Cassie Dibiase, who owns Resources and Results Consulting in Houston, Texas, “Listening or contributing to gossip in the workplace is probably the single most destructive behavior for anyone hoping to succeed in the business world.” Consider these key points:
- Gossipers in the workplace are viewed as untrustworthy and are less likely to receive promotions or key assignments
- Important lines of communication between employees and supervisors are often disrupted because of a lack of trust created by gossip
- What might appear to be simple gossip can often result in a full-blown investigation, causing irreparable damage to an individual’s reputation, and to the gossiper’s reputation as well.
What are some ways to avoid getting caught in the snare of gossip?
Know if it is gossip
The dictionary defines gossip as rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. To know if you’re gossiping, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself how you would feel if the person you were discussing suddenly happened upon your conversation. Would you be embarrassed? Chances are, as a Christian, you know when you are gossiping. You get that unsettled feeling from the Holy Spirit that maybe what you’re discussing isn’t quite appropriate.
God's view of gossip
Not only does the Holy Spirit convict us, but God commands us through scripture not to gossip. Proverbs 4:24 reminds us to “keep corrupt talk from our lips.” God doesn’t want us listening to gossip either. Hearing the gossip is about as bad as spreading it, since you can’t erase the negative words you’ve heard about a person. Proverbs 26:22 says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.”
The Philippians 4:8 principle
To help us remember what is and isn’t acceptable to discuss, use Philippians 4:8 as a guide: “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” While the writer, Paul, instructs us to think about these things, it seems to me that Philippians 4:8 is a good way to measure our conversations too.
Gossip just plain hurts
Simply put, gossip hurts people. When my dearest friend and co-worker went through a divorce a few years ago, many of our colleagues came to me looking for information. My friend was so devastated and shocked over the divorce, that to discuss her hurt and raw emotions with anyone seemed unthinkable. Furthermore, I ran the risk of seeing mixed rumors circulate about my friend. Ms. Dibiase points out, “Just think back to the playground… when someone spread untrue tales around the schoolyard. They were hurtful, unproductive and damaged friendships. Playground rules still apply. The only difference is professional reputations are taken more seriously – the stakes are higher.”
Setting parameters in your conversations
Melissa and her friend Monique are close confidants. As Christians, they were both worried about crossing the line of gossip in their daily conversations. They came up with a way of setting “parameters” in their conversations. When their speech began to tread into gossip territory, one gently reminded the other that they needed to steer their conversation to a more edifying topic. Surrounding yourself with close friends who are Christians and like-minded in spirit always helps keep gossip in check.
Steering the conversation
While maintaining ties with fellow believers is a helpful way of keeping our tongues in check, we don’t always share office space with other Christians. How do you keep gossip under control when you are with people who aren’t necessarily focused on guarding their talk? While my first impulse is to stay away from situations that would put me in the middle of gossip, I am reminded that Jesus himself broke bread with non-believers and those who gossiped, among other things.
When gossip begins around you, try to cut it off with a gentle remark to sway the conversation. Or, better still, turn to your gossiping co-worker and ask her about what’s happening in her life. It has been said that a gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about herself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. It’s an almost guaranteed way to change the conversation.
After you read this article, you’ll probably try harder to avoid gossip, but since we are only human, you might still have to catch yourself every now and then. As my friend Melissa puts it, “Gossiping is something we always have to keep in check with the Lord.” Why not pray this simple prayer in faith today and release the control of your speech back into God’s hands.
Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life and accomodating gossip and other conversations that are hurtful to others and not glorifying to You. But I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
~ Rhonda Wilson is a working mom who lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, and three children. She enjoys reading, running, playing outside with her kids, and freelance writing. Click to e-mail Rhonda.
